When you find yourself blaming another person for something that is “happening to you” take a step back, breathe and then try to find your part in it. You can be sure you have a part in it if it is happening to you. It’s easier to blame than to look inside and see our garbage, but if we do and we find our garbage it’s like gold. We then have the opportunity to change it. If we don’t know it exists then how could we ever change it? There is freedom in seeing our stuff and learning from it. Be compassionate with yourself though, everybody has their stuff and it takes a lifetime to learn it all…pace yourself.
Forgiveness is essential, and that includes forgiving ourselves. When we are angry with somebody for something they have done to us, we hold that junk inside of us. That junk, if held in our system too long, causes disease. I’m no doctor, but I can feel in my own body the difference I feel once I have forgiven somebody and it feels a lot better. So the reason we forgive is not to let the other person off the hook, that’s not our job. Our job is to take care of ourselves and get the junk out. Screaming and yelling feels better in the short-term but doesn’t do the trick. We have to feel it deep down and know that they are doing the best they can with their life with what they know right now (just like us). Maybe the next time they will know better, but again that’s not our business. I think this is one of the hardest concepts for people because they feel like the other person has to pay for wronging them, and ya know that’s just not our job. In time life has a way of catching up with people and karma comes a knockin’.
Be honest about who you are. Most of us walk around wanting so badly to be somebody that we aren’t. I would like to be a person that walks around peaceful and loving all the time. The fact is sometimes I’m not. I wish I were but I have junk to work on just like everybody. So why not embrace who we are and know that working on ourselves is part of the journey we are on. It is stressful to pretend all the time. I have a friend who I love that when we talk we exchange crazy stories. We talk about the things that we think make us look crazy to the outside world. It’s funny to hear because we all have a side to us that acts in a way we aren’t always proud of, but the good news is there is nothing new out there. If I lose my temple and yell at my son in the grocery store, I can assure sure you that somebody else has done it before me, and I may even have some sympathetic parents around.